Negotiation and the Beneifts of Mediation

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Negotiation and the Beneifts of Mediation

Joshua

As highlighted in other posts, divorce attorneys can be very good at running up a very large bill which you will, naturally enough, be expected to pay.

A question that you might like to consider is, therefore, do you really need an attorney at all?

Most states and counties in the USA have public mediators whose job it is to bring the two parties who are intent on (or already in the process of) divorcing together, so that they can discuss what is happening, and negotiate a fair and reasonable settlement.

Some of these public mediators are better than others, and therefore you might need to seek the help of a private mediator, but even if you do, they will be an awful lot less expensive than hiring an attorney.

A quick Google search using the term county marriage mediators shows plenty of results:

Mediators from Texas, California, Washington and Virginia are all featured on the first results page so no matter where you are, a public mediator should never be too far away.

These professional mediators bring the two parties together in the first place to see whether anything can be worked out to save the marriage. At the same time, however, they are experienced enough to know that this is not always going to happen, in which case their job is to try to come up with a divorce settlement that is acceptable to both parties.

One of the major advantages of using such mediators is that they know the law as it relates to divorce in their locality, and they can, therefore, make both parties completely aware of what is and what is not realistic.

Unlike a lawyer acting for one side or the other, there is no question of mediators of this type having any hidden agenda, as they have nothing to gain by keeping the whole divorce merrily ticking along, or by favoring one side over the other.

In other words, without any hidden agenda, you can be almost 100% confident that they are going to tell you the untainted, impartial truth. Because of this, even if the mediator is not able to help you solve your problems, and you still end up having to work with an attorney, you will at least know what you can hope to achieve in realistic terms. That in itself can save a great deal of unnecessary wasted time and associated expense.

There is, unfortunately, one significant problem as far as the idea of getting you and your wife together in front of a mediator is concerned. That is, if your wife already has an attorney appointed, he or she is very likely to advise her against having the case reviewed by a public or private mediator under any circumstances.

The reasons why this is going to be the case should be fairly evident. If, for instance, she goes to the mediator, then the lawyer stands a good chance of losing the fees that your wifes case will generate for them.

In addition, as has been suggested already, in the vast majority of cases, most Western legal systems still come down in favor of the wife and mother in divorce cases. Despite what your attorney might try to convince you of, the chances are still very high that she will get almost everything she asks for by pushing the divorce proceedings through the court system.

The mediator, on the other hand, attempts to establish a middle line which both parties can agree to. Such a mediated agreement will, therefore, often give the woman far less than the court might, and her attorney will know this.

For these reasons, it can often be extremely difficult to convince a wife who is seeking a divorce to subject herself to the mediation process. That does not mean, however, that you shouldnt try, and there are a couple of advantages of using mediation that you can present to her that even your wife might be able to accept.

First, negotiating and agreeing everything through mediation is far quicker than going through the legal system. Everything can be completed and finished in a couple of weeks, whereas using the legal system is likely to ensure that even a relatively simple divorce drags on for many months.

Secondly, it is a far cheaper process (the cost is generally around $175-200 per person), and when an acrimonious divorce can cost each party $15-20,000, this might be a pertinent consideration for both parties.

Bringing these two arguments together, your proposition to your wife might, for example, go something along the lines of sure, the mediator might give you a few thousand dollars less, but you will save $15,000 and be able to get on with your life in only two weeks.

There is, of course, no guarantee that this apparently well-reasoned, sensible approach is going to work. This is, after all, a time when reasonable and well-balanced behavior has probably been noticeable by its absence, and there is no reason why anybody should suddenly start being smart now.

However, you must try to push for mediation, because the benefits to you could be significant, while the downside is almost non-existent. Of course, all of these assumptions are based on the notion that your wife is not going to be reasonable, whereas, if she is willing to listen to, then that gives you far more room for negotiation.

Nevertheless, it is generally far more effective to negotiate in front of an independent third party who has no vested interest in seeing either party triumph over the other rather than having a shouting match in private.

In this respect, the public or private mediator is the perfect intermediary to negotiate in the presence of, because they understand the law implicitly, but their only real interest is in seeing that both parties enjoy a fair and equitable result.

In essence, when control is so important, it is far easier to retain at least some degree of control in your negotiations with your wife if someone like a professional, trained mediator is on hand to help both of you.

The alternative is to screech your demands at each other and, when that fails, to argue your case in front of a government appointed official employed by the legal system. That is unlikely to produce a result with which youre going to be satisfied with in any way, shape or form.

And if you have to hire a lawyer, make sure you read the post entitled: "Do Not Hire a Lawyer Until You Read This" here: